Hi, need to submit a 1000 words essay on the topic The Detrimental Effects of Illegal File Sharing.
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The thesis is not that clear, because it does not name all affected stakeholders. Original artists are not the only stakeholders affected. The essay mentioned other people who are also affected by piracy at the body, such as those involved in producing and distributing original music, but this is not part of the thesis. The thesis is arguable, because it can be contested. For instance, opponents of intellectual property rights can argue that file sharing can actually increase sales by expanding the distribution of music and enticing people to buy original copies.
Each paragraph does not cover one idea, because it lacks topic sentences. The thesis has several points that would have been the topic sentences that could have guided the content or ideas of each paragraph. The paragraph on the motive of illegal file sharing should be removed, because it is not a detrimental impact of illegal file sharing.
Each paragraph does not have a topic sentence and so its ideas are scattered, but they can still be connected to the thesis. For instance, one of the paragraphs started with: “Richard Waterman…logged the number of times Limewire users sought to download each of the files in a sample of one thousand eight hundred.