I need some serious help writing a final draft!!! Please! Please! Please!

So far on my persuasive essay it has not been looking very good. Let’s just say it’s been a hectic week. The topic I chose was: Prohibiting Cell Phone Use During School. As you can see I have pasted in my draft. For any helpers I’d like to stay with the similar topics I have already started with. Just need to give detail and evidential facts mostly. Please be sure to include the resources to back up the facts. Also my teacher said not to use the word “I” as if I were actually talking to someone, just a heads up. Hopefully someone will be able to help me!?! Thanking you ahead of time! <3